No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
