This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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