Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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