Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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