when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize