I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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