You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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