I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
