My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like eating out sand paper
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
