So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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