i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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