I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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