PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
