I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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