Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
