Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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