I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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