Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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