I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
