im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
