this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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