His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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