nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
