I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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