So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
