i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
