Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
