They should really pass out barf bags in church
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
