I will die if light touches me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
