It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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