saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
