So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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