She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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