just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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