He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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