Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
