best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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