I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
