Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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