matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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