I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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