better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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