Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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