Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
