I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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