I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
