I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
