if i can run in heels then i can drive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
