A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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