Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry about my life...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
