Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
