Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
