The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
