Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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