Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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