waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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