dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
