party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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