Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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