Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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