Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
