he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
