i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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