I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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