I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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