We won't sleep together?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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