Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
